The Thread That Binds Us
I was standing in a kitchen that I knew all too well, faces and people blurred around me, except for one…his, though I felt my mind trying to deny it I knew it was him, his hair, face, his smile.
In slow motion he walked over to me and only stood there smiling like he always did, this lovely infectious smile that made me want to be less pessimistic, then suddenly he turned and walked away and the dream faded.
I awoke calmly yet confused
“Time to start the day then” I said sighing heavily and rolling out of the bed already hearing the pitter patter of little feet and churning of a squeaky wheel.
_
My dreams have always been my escape, an escape from my life , emotions I prefer not to face, they take me away, far away…
There in that peaceful place I see my deities my loved ones whom have long gone, I see people who Astral travel like me, even family…the other world is endless, but this world always drags me back, yet I have one solace my little light.
Take it as you wish, you cook, clean and live your life only thinking in the most simplistic way, you hear not everything around you.
The sound of something that is not supposed to be moving, whispers and words that make you jump and drop things- “stop” a masculine voice whispers being me harshly as I absentmindedly cut breakfast into tiny bite sized pieces and come nearly too close for comfort to my fingertips with the knife, I snap back to reality from my constant nagging thoughts and let out a small gasp as I stopped within an inch of my fingers.
“thank you” I whisper less to myself and more so to the disappointed being behind me, I cant feel who he is but I can feel he’s disappointed with the fact that I am so lost in my thoughts that I could possibly injure myself.
And still I fade back into thought the flash of a smile, a laugh, those eyes that glow…
_
“Can anyone tell me how to break this bond?” I whisper to myself in the dead of night as I shuffle my cards rapidly- a card flies out and I brace myself, it’s my card for Aphrodite in this deck “you can’t” I hear in a soft voice completely detached from my own in the back my mind, I then get the sense that this is completely out of my control as a separate feeling/message.
“wonderful” I mutter bitterly, other cards fly out, basically telling me this was something I just had to go threw and that it was leading to something I was resisting, the tower…. change.
I sat there just listening and feeling ‘tell me what I want to know…please” I begged wanting some reprieve from this aching in my chest, this constant “need” and want to feel that peace again.
“Where you search for peace in someone else, you will not find it” a deep masculine voice murmured in the back of my mind, but this one I could feel exactly where he was standing, I could see his posture in my mind’s eye, tall and handsome lent up against the corner of my wall staring down at me in interest, disappointment and intrigue.
I guess it must be interesting “human emotions” to a god who has seen the beginning and the end of everything, even me.
“My human emotions” I scoff rolling my eyes in a way I thought he might not be able to see, which only earned me a small smirk.
A king smirking… hmm what a sight to behold, if you could see what my minds eye could see you’d be just as mesmerized as me, it’s been some time and I still never tire of having them prance around my house asif it were theirs.
–
I see his tear-streaked face as he looks at me, his eyes full of sadness in a dimly lit room, he wants to reach out to me but someone he knows stands vigil in the doorway looking back and forth, glaring at him the lookout gently yet firmly shakes his head slowly asif it were a true warning.
He weakly pulls back his hand which was only slightly outstretched towards me and more tears fall like rivers from his eyes; I feel my chest tight, filled with a burning warmth that beckons me closer to him, yet I only take his hand, just as it was in real life, large yet soft and seeking nothing else but comfort in mine, I looked deep into his eyes, ever large and boyish “I love you” he whispers his voice not sounding as his own usually would, more horse and sad now “I know, but we can’t” I swallow the words as if they might just choke me on their way down, in my chest, in my mind.. in my heart screaming ‘I love y-‘and even then unable to allow myself to finish the sentence, I wrap my arms around him and hold onto him tightly then swiftly turn and walk past the other man and out the door.
And so the dream ended with me waking up on the verge of tears with my hand on my chest and feeling that all too familiar tug at my heart.
“I know, I know…” I whisper into my mind projecting the thought “I love you too..” then faded back into the darkness of sleep.
What do you do when there’s a string that binds you on one hand and chains on the other, chains to the earthly world and a string that endlessly flows threw time and space to a forbidden place.
–
I feel it always… a twinge in my chest, like a spark of electric igniting the flame of my soul that dims when I’m not around him, my usually calm and steady composure cracking at the thought.
‘What is this?’ I’d always wondered to myself as I could barely utter a sentence or stop myself from fidgeting, losing the composure I’d worked my whole life for, maybe a cruel joke made at the expense of a girl who only wanted to feel loved and understood for being an oddity in a world who would never understand her, or maybe just the gods having fun at her expense, answering the tear filled prayers of a girl who whispered desperately to Artemis for a love that was meant for her, one that wouldn’t eventually-inevitably hurt and twist her love into pain and indifference ..hm…whatever the reason, all of this as unsettling as it had brought peace somehow.
Somehow in all of the confusion, conflicting feeling and mismatched answers from the spirits it brought me peace, he brought me peace.
–
I can feel his eyes on me, I glance up threw my falling hair and catch a glimpse of his eyes ,a small smile plays on my lips as a comforting stillness settles in my chest and I can’t stop the jolt of energy as I lock eyes with him and suddenly the world stops around us, my heart slows as if in slow motion and I feel my every shallow breath, I hear-no-feel something foreign in the back of my mind easily slipping in, a flurry of thoughts that jumble together that are not my own but an all too familiar voice; suddenly I stand from my chair and turn away walking to the farthest end of the room leaning against the kitchens island, the white walls seeming more blurry then they had before.
‘that cant happen again’ I think to myself still feeling the tether, I feel the sensation as if I’m being yanked and peak over my shoulder to see his eyes on me boring holes into my energy, his attention snaps back to whatever he was being shown.
“Asha” a chirpy voice giggles tugging me by the forearm suddenly catching my attention “yes my dear” I smile turning towards my best friend, suddenly I feel something tug inside of me making me step back slightly, I swallow hard then turn my attention back to spook, she gently grabs my shoulders to steady me “you ok?” her voice comes out softly as if she thought I might break if she spoke any louder, I nod urgently suddenly feeling deprived of air ‘I need to get out’ I think hurriedly as I push my way past his chair where he sat watching me with a mask of indifference hiding worry, like escaping from an unseen foe I run till I reach the grass of the yard and collapse on to my hands and knees digging my fingertips into the moist soil beneath the grass.
“stay away from him” a deep masculine voice says harshly in the back of my mind, I feel tears threaten to spill but I hold them back “I’m trying- I’m trying-“ I gasp taking in the fresh air “it hurts-“ I whisper to myself then suddenly flashes of visions fill my sight, fingers intertwining, cloth- it looks to be some type of rough linen, warn and off white flowing in the wind cobblestone walkways and buildings looked asif they were made out of sant, just as suddenly as it started it ended, I snapped back to reality by being gently shaken by spook “Asha, look at me..” she trailed off looking at me worriedly.
I felt a million miles away, somewhere in a dream, she pulled me to stand and I wobbled weakly to my feet “Ayasha… are you-“ I felt the most tender yet strong hand gently take hold of my forearm, a sudden rush of air filled my lungs as all of my strength left me and I swayed falling backwards into his arms and he caught me asif his arms had always been ready to catch me.
‘This cant be reality’ my brain jumbled the thought as my skin burned a white hot fire under his touch, I could feel the blood rushing to the surface turning me beet red where his skin met mine; I could feel his energy now intermingling with mine, chaos and panic flowing threw him like a rushing river and as a consequence of our proximity threw me aswell.
He carried me bridal style holding me close to his chest as he walked through the backdoors, the living room and to the large black leather couch in the living room and gently sat me down, I opened my eyes just enough to see his lightly tanned skin red every place his skin had contact with mine, I could see little bruises forming where little vessels had burst.
He saw where my weak eyes wondered and staired down at his bicep in shock and perhaps awe as he ran his two index fingers along a tiny patch of red skin with tiny spots where the blood vessels had burst, quickly he snapped out of it trying to pull his shirts sleeve down in vain “your hot-your burning, I –“ he stammered looking me up and down if looking for the cause, him-he was the cause, and sadly…the cure.
Before the panting that caused my shortness of breath and the dizziness that made my eyes roll into the back of my head took me, I saw him give a look to his friends, spook and side eye everyone else who was around us, I suppose making sure they weren’t looking, his hand gently took mine and locked itself around my wrist, he closed his eyes and I felt it, a cold rush of something, I knew what it was but could not recall as my brain malfunctioned; surge threw me, like a frozen drink on a blazing hot day it flowed threw me like water filling a river after a drought, healing, calming, numbing then nothing -nothingness darkness, a road to my dreams.